саженьи

15:45 Jun 18, 2015 

Ru:
Нам, здоровенным,
С шагом саженьим,
Надо не слушать, а рвать их,
Их,
Присосавшихся бесплатным приложением
К каждой двуспальной кровати.
En:
We in our vigour,
whose stride measures yards,
must not listen, but tear them apart
them,
glued like a special supplement
to each double bed!
http://www.hunter.cuny.edu/classics/russian/repository/files...

10:27 Jun 18, 2015 

Well, to refine my point: the word сажень was not rare then, but the regular adjective for it was саж'енный, so it is the short form саженьи which is actually a neologism invented by Mayakovskiy (seems so).
Definitely I dare not opine on how this "seven-league" sounds to a native speaker's ear, and I trust your perception.
The Russian tradition generally prefers keeping the original measures in translations, so that's perhaps where I am coming from here.
The reference to Pushkin may be implied or maybe not, I cannot tell, but again: громады is quite regular usage and is neutral or slightly elevated, while the collective neologism громадьё sounds coloquial and even rudish in register (cf. тряпьё, мужичьё, дурачьё, старьё and other words formed on the same pattern)

09:30 Jun 18, 2015 

I still think that "seven-league" fits, for precisely the reasons you say. Probably because the chief encounters I've had with "сажень" were during translating two books of Karamzin's "History," Mayakovsky's plucking this word out of older Russian and using it in an image of headlong industrialization reminds me of using "seven-league" from old stories and fables to capture this. Indeed, to my ear "seven-league" sounds quite "rough-hewn," maybe because of its association with Paul Bunyan, with his seven-league boots and his axe.

I also think that using a specific unit of measure, as he did, even if a different one, increases the shock of the language and is a better choice that just one or another word for "very big." (That comment is not particular addressed to you.)

By the way, do you think that in this passage M deliberately invoked other famous Russian verses on the rapid, willful transformation of the country through a construction project - "Медный всадник"? The declamatory "Люблю..." reminds me of it, I guess also the image of the rapid building of huge things, conveyed by "громадьё"; compare "По оживлённым берегам / Громады стройные теснятся / дворцов и башен"...

07:48 Jun 18, 2015 

In Russian even, саженьи sounds in a very specific way. It is not widely used nor was before, and M. uses it on purpose, picking rare words and creating new ones. His lines look like they are hewn out of stone, edgy and unpolished. (This is all my view, naturally)

23:05 Jun 17, 2015 

Hello all! I quite like James's version. Here's mine:
I'm loving the hugeness of our plans,
Our sweeping stride...

21:38 Jun 17, 2015 

I love the grandeur of our plans, Many sazhens tall we are walking

20:51 Jun 17, 2015 

It's not very poetic, but here's what I've come up with:

… I love our sweeping plans,
Our long stride…

I looked for the poem in English but was only able to find a fragment, and these two lines weren't in it.

Critique, anyone? Suggestions?